


The Garden Of Eden

by Niniwhxre



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Angst, Blasphemy, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fat Shaming, Homophobia, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Manslaughter, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inaccurate Christianity, M/M, Mention of blood, Minor Character Death, Open Ending, Physical Abuse, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Inaccuracies, Toxicity, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27269542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niniwhxre/pseuds/Niniwhxre
Summary: Before them, fire devours, behind them a flame blazes.Before them the land is like the garden of Eden, behind them, a desert waste— nothing escapes them.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25
Collections: EXO MONSTERFEST 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Self-Prompt.
> 
> As A disclaimer, I want to say that this fic is not intended to portray how religion works, neither how I see it as. The violence aspects and family's exaggerated beliefs were solely created for the plot of the fic.
> 
> To my beta I wanted to thank you because you helped me with this mess and saved my life! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the fic!

~*~

"Come, let us bow down in worship,  
let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker; for he is our God  
and we are the people of his pasture,  
the flock under his care."  
-Psalm 95:6-7

~*~

In the beginning of his dream, he woke with the feeling of calmness soothing through his veins.

When his eyes adapted to his surroundings, it felt like the first time he opened his eyes to see the world, but what was before him was not a room filled with the clinical smell of a hospital. Instead, there was a garden, dipped in the silver glow coming from the moon barely hidden within translucent clouds.

His bare feet walked through the wet, fertile and green land that was a direct contrast to his garden back at home. The grass in his dream was unpolluted, pleasing to the eye. The grass in his home’s garden was dark and lifeless, stained with the metallic smell of his own blood.

When he looked to his right, his eyes followed a river. The stream flowed calmly, and the water was clear yet bright as crystal. If he squinted his eyes, he could notice that the unusual glow came from the depths of the river, provoked by gold buried in the pit that reflected the light upwards, like a mirror.

When he looked to his left, he noticed that the land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. He could count more than a dozen types of fruits, all looking tempting to be munched. 

However, because he felt no hunger, he perceived something more interesting rather than staring at the fruit. Between the many leaves and branches, with a long tail curling around the fruits, rested a snake. Its body was large and covered in red-coloured scales that transitioned into white ones closer to the face area. 

He stared at the creature.

The creature stared back. 

~*~

**_"Our Father, who art in heaven,_ **   
**_hallowed be thy Name,_ **   
**_thy kingdom come,_ **   
**_thy will be done,_ **   
**_on earth as it is in heaven."_ **

As he looked up to the sky of the dark night, he wondered how many distant glowing points existed. One, ten, thirty, fifty... He lost his count; he had to start all over. Maybe, if he had the proper knowledge of constellations, he would have had it easier to count the stars or perhaps, a simpler answer to his pointless question. 

It's not like he had any other significant concerns.

**_"Give us this day our daily bread._ **   
**_And forgive us our trespasses,_ **   
**_as we forgive those_ **   
**_who trespass against us. "_ **

After all, the only thing he had been able to learn was the Lord's Word. In that aspect, he did know everything and nothing altogether. He knew the skies were created as a beautiful blessing from God, and that's the only thing he had to know about it. No more useless questions were needed — like how many stars there were far away.

The silence accompanied by the sting against the skin of his palm made him come back to reality.

Oh, that's right.

Baekhyun looked to his left where his sister was situated. She was kneeling just like him and their mother; head hung low as a sign of respect and locks of long hair covering her face. Her grip on his hand became more insistent, nails digging a little bit deeper, a silent plea for him to notice that it was his turn.

His breath hitched, eyes travelling up, meeting the form of his father who was just standing in front of them, looking down with the bible on his right hand, a deadly stare on his lifeless face.

**_"And lead us not into temptation,_ **  
**_but deliver us from evil. "_ **

Baekhyun continued, failing to defy his father's eyes and dropping his frantic stare as his sister's grip softened, making the physical pain dissipate but starting a new one inside his head.

He had made a big mistake.

He did not pay attention nor entirely devoted himself to prayer.

**_"For thine is the kingdom,_ **   
**_and the power, and the glory,_ **   
**_for ever and ever. Amen."_ **

And that brought consequences.

Prayer was essential to his family. It was considered necessary to please their Lord, to prove their faith. Therefore, every night they spared some time of their daily routine to go to their backyard and lay two cushions on the dirt, where the female members of their family would kneel before God and the men of the household. 

They were not allowed to look up and offend the ones in charge.

Baekhyun's eyes went to his right, to find his mother's eyes closed and mouth moving quickly, a silent attempt to pronounce the prayer. She was not allowed to pray out loud either, because that would be outrageous. By the holy laws, she had to keep quiet and be docile to be a good wife.

His sister was going to share the same fate when she would be old enough to marry. Since she was still 16, she would be permitted to say some lines in their prayer aloud.

That was his family. That was his life, composed by the sick mantra of religion.

“Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun blinked, noticing that his parents had already entered their house, and the only ones left in the backyard were him and his sister. 

Baekhee looked slightly worried; well, she was always worried for her brother whenever their parents left her sight. Whenever they were out of range, she could stop pretending that she didn’t care for him. 

She had always been close to Baekhyun, but due to the apparent disgust that their parents irradiated every time their son even spoke just a few words, it was dangerous for her to even look at her brother. It would mean that she was an accomplice of evil, and consequently, she would be punished just like him. 

“I’m alright, Baekhee, go back home: Our parents won’t be happy if they notice thou stayed back.” Baekhyun dismissed her; he did not want to get her into trouble as he wouldn’t wish his destiny to someone else. 

He saw how she left and turned his sight back to his knees that were covered in dirt. He wasn’t allowed to use a cushion to kneel, so the grass and soil penetrated his pores and irritated the pale skin, turning it to a pinkish tone. 

The dirt on his knees looked the same as it did ten years ago when he was still just a little boy. A child that woke up, standing in the entrance of the kitchen with a match between his little fingers. The child’s other hand empty, the box of matches had been completely forgotten and lost in the devouring flames which smoke went up like the one’s of a kiln. 

That was the day his life changed forever, and his days turned into an everlasting misery he was condemned to live.

He stood up and brushed the dirt off his knees before walking the same path his sister walked.

The sheer terror of stepping inside his house weighed like chains wrapping around his toes. It’s keeping him on the mossy stone entrance’s stairs, eternally trapping him there for hours. His mind couldn’t assimilate the sufferment he had to endure once he stepped over the frame of the door. 

He took a deep breath, courage-building up as energy that pulled him inside, welcoming himself into his personal hell that did not welcome him back. 

The lump in his throat grew bigger when his eyes took the abominable image of a hundred pale eyes staring back through his soul, like a blade that pressed harder and harder inside his throat until he could no longer breathe.

There were no literal eyes attached to the lifeless wallpaper on his house because that would be ridiculous. There were simple wood crosses symmetrically aligned under the excuse that they served as cleansing elements when, in reality, they were there to torment him until he could no longer stand.

Baekhyun walked rapidly across the room, legs hurriedly moving upstairs where his room was. It was the routine. If he entered the house, he could not intoxicate it with his presence and was instructed to go inside his room to practise his usual Bible readings. 

At first, this was only temporary. Ever since the garden incident, Baekhyun’s parents had changed completely. Dismissing the soft nature they once had and replacing it with what Baekhyun considered punishment, and they considered life. There were many rules to it.

First, he could not speak to any of the members of his family unless he was asked.

Second, he had to kneel directly on the dirt of the backyard, to present himself to his Lord as the lesser importance of the prayer, but still be present for forgiveness.

Third, he was obliged to read the Bible every day until he memorised it by heart and purify his soul from evil.

These rules were supposed to be applied for a year. But they marked themselves as Baekhyun’s life, being the only reasons why he was allowed to keep breathing.

Baekhyun entered his room, coughing once the lump inside his throat vanished instantly after he was free from the house’s eyes and the possibility of severe punishment for existing in the same room where his family was. 

His glassy eyes looked around, finding comfort in the silent room, with no decoration or furniture except for the bed and a small desk with a chair, designated for his Bible readings. The room should have had nothing disturbed, no one apart from Baekhyun entered inside, because his parents thought it was the _“Devil’s den”_ and consequently didn’t allow his sister inside either. Yet, the wide-open window was a weird occurrence, because Baekhyun did not remember leaving it open when he left. 

He walked slowly towards the window, looking out at the dark, lonely backyard. “Hello?” He whispered, not expecting an answer rather than the potent beating of his scared heart. After a few seconds, he stepped away and closed the window before screaming against the cold palm that covered his mouth. 

“Please don’t scream.” The deep voice coming from behind him made him tremble. It was one of the deepest tones he had ever heard, and it certainly terrified him. Was it finally his end? Had the monster from the underground come to drag him to Hell? “If I put my hand away, will you stay quiet?”

Baekhyun gulped, thinking about what he could do. He was too scared to scream because defying orders was not his nature. And even if he knew that his father was rooms away from him, he didn’t trust the fact that he would come to save him. He resolved to nod and feel the giant hand leave his face.

He turned around to see the voice that was speaking to him. And when he turned, he saw a gigantic figure, dressed in baggy clothes that were bigger than his already imposing size. The hair on his head was dark like coal, as dark as night, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His face was carved like an angel, and it was like the moonlight shining in all its brilliance.

It was the stutter and stumbling words which came after that made Baekhyun confused. “I’m- I’m just escaping from my family, please, I’m not going to hurt you. I saw the window open and I just-”

Baekhyun kept quiet and observed how the amazing creature that was his pair showed humanity through his wet and pained eyes, like a mirror to what he figured his eyes showed when his bones would crack and break.

“Hey? Are you okay?” The man asked, making Baekhyun pay attention again, nodding for the second time.

“W-What are thou doing here?” 

“Thou? I’m just hiding from my uncle, just like I told you. My family can’t accept me, so I ran away but… I don’t have any other relatives, and I have not enough money for a hotel. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but I really don’t have any other place to stay and I-” The man went silent after Baekhyun lifted his hand as a sign for him to stop. 

“Thou…” Baekhyun sighed; conflicted. He felt bad for the man, and somehow, he could relate to his story. If he were to put himself in his situation, he would love someone to help him escape from his life for once and for all. “Thou shall stay overnight.”

“Great! Great! My name is Chanyeol. What is yours?” Chanyeol extended his hand, offering a handshake. “By the way, what’s with the old language?”

“It is the way I speak.” Baekhyun replied, accepting the handshake and looking at his feet. “Well- I hope thou - I mean, you can forgive me. I’m not used to visitors.”

Chanyeol shook his head and made a gesture that Baekhyun understood as a ‘don’t worry’. He proceeded to sit down on the bed, dropping a bag that he was carrying all along - Baekhyun failed to notice that fact because he was still confused and opened it to pull out a greasy bag that apparently contained some sort of dessert inside. 

“I have to be honest with you; I stopped in a Starbucks to buy a muffin because I was hungry.” Chanyeol munched on the chocolate muffin and looked around, analysing every detail with no shame. “Are you religious? That’s a huge ass cross.” 

“I am religious, yes, I believe in my Lord and his word.” Baekhyun moved to sit down next to Chanyeol and smiled softly. 

At first, he was able to recognise the beauty in the stranger, but as he searched for details, he realised the man had no grace whatsoever. He lacked elegance and seriousness. His hair was unkempt, curly locks covering his forehead and brushing against his glasses. His face was completely red and sweaty, and he had a strange way of eating the muffin. Yet, it was all of this childlike behaviour and aura that made him charming and very inviting. 

Although Baekhyun did not have any experience at socialising, Chanyeol’s warm attitude filled the uncomfortable void he should have felt. Baekhyun found himself relaxing and talking for hours with the stranger, sharing his interests and enjoying the fact that the man was very open to answer his questions, no matter how unimportant or ridiculous they were. 

When they touched the topic of religion, Chanyeol became weary of what he said. He admitted he did not believe in God, but quickly justified his lack of interest in the matter because he preferred spending his time learning about things like science or politics. 

Baekhyun did not know about those matters, and if it were a normal day, he would have pretended he knew about them and repeat the same words Chanyeol said to him “but I don’t find it interesting.”. He betrayed himself when he asked about science and how the brain worked. He should not have paid attention to something that wasn’t related to his Lord, especially the matter that contradicted the very values he was adapted to. But the knowledge of the unknown was very tempting, and again, Chanyeol was a perfect provider. 

That day Baekhyun went to sleep with the smell of a muffin, the fragrance of an unknown man and a warm sensation in his heart. And for the first time, as his eyelids shut close, he told himself everything was going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the   
surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I   
have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.”  
-Philippians 3:8

~*~

The misery of being alive felt especially bitter when he woke up.

The sweet sound of birds chirping, the sunlight peeking through the thin curtains, the breath, pulse, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, the existence of oneself; they all rolled by the tip of his tongue like a pill. It dissipated slowly, penetrating his taste buds until the aftertaste lingered for hours, poisoning with the thoughts of ending it all. 

He blinked, eyes used to his surroundings like he had been awake during the whole night. It was a curious fact about himself. When his body would wake him up, he wouldn't feel the drowsiness and tiredness that people feel when they wake up from a deep slumber. For him, waking up was just like blinking, his limbs weren’t overwhelmed by the number of hours they spent resting, and his mind would turn on like a tv. He didn’t have any delay or problem; he would sit down on the bed and immediately stand up to go on with his day. 

He figured it had something to do with his usual blackouts. Ever since the garden incident that occurred when he was little, it was common for him to suddenly snap, have an out of body experience and completely forget his actions until he regained control over his mind. 

He had tried to tell his parents that the things he did while unconscious weren’t the real him in the first place. That he didn’t willingly burn the flowers that his mom worked so hard to grow, or that he didn't mean to kill the cat they had at home, but it was all useless. As years passed and Baekhyun had more and more blackouts, it was the more his parents believed he was conspiring with the Devil, and wouldn’t blatantly refuse to take him to the doctor. “We will not take you to someone useless, you will pray and repent for your evil actions,” they said. 

It was then when Baekhyun decided to take the matter into his own hands. He did not believe that he was doing something wrong. His solution was to pay special attention to his biology classes, and stay overtime to ask about how the mind worked and how it could possibly explain what happened to him. Which is why, as he told Chanyeol the day before, he did have any interest in those matters.

He stopped, realising what happened the other day, and sat down to look around the room and search for the nice man he had met and spent the night talking to. However, whatever trace of the man was gone, like the weak flame of a candle that disappeared with a slight breeze of air. 

His disappointment grew more prominent as he dropped from the bed, knees hitting the polished wooden floor. 

The birds from outside sang the prayer with him, sweetening the bittersweet words that left his mouth, covering the fear of every syllable he pronounced. 

It was wrong for him to imagine a friend like Chanyeol. That “person” had been a product of his imagination, the seed that Satan implanted deep inside his brain and bloomed into a hallucination that condemned his soul. 

He stood up once he was finished, fingertips washing away the tears that fell down his pale face. 

This was his routine; it did not change, and it would never change. He was alone, and he would always be alone.

That was the path his Lord designed for him.

Today was Sunday, the day he could go down to the praying room because his family was away to church until 6 pm. He would grab his bible, lined in velvet like the colour of his blood and would go downstairs slowly as if he was walking toward his condemnation. The small room which had no windows and was covered in different types of crosses occupying every centimetre of the walls. Once his feet stepped touched the floor behind the room’s door, he’d kneel on the carpet and open his bible to recite its verses until his ears caught the slight roar of the car and. Upon the sound, he would run upstairs to stay locked inside. 

He took a deep breath before his bare feet came in contact with the spiky and uncomfortable rug, and he dropped on his knees once again. 

Feeling the suffocating pressure of the crosses around him was getting worse, they did him no favour but to make him shrink in fear. He acted as if he enjoyed this room because he wanted God to praise him for his efforts in prayer.

The reality was, he hated the room with all of his soul. He detested the sick feeling his stomach got from the smell of his rotten hopes being laid out in front of him as he read each bible verse out loud.

To distract himself, he thought of his school again. He went to a catholic school of course, where girls wore plaid long skirts and boys wore black ties to match with the colourless building. 

At 15, every boy and girl were rebelling against what was chosen for them, and Baekhyun couldn't help overhearing conversations his classmates had about the church of their town. The popular girl of his class had told everyone about how she found out that the money they would donate at the end of the daily ceremonies, did not go to funds, but instead was used to decorate the building and defy what was written in the holy scriptures.

This event itself wasn’t outrageous, but the rumours that followed consumed adolescent Baekhyun’s head little by little. He would hear about how the priest looked under the little girl’s short skirts, about how he purposely stuck his fingers a little too far inside the children’s mouths during the Eucharist ceremony.

For Baekhyun, the connotations of harassment and profanities reached a point where he could no longer hold them in, and he concluded that it was his responsibility to inform his parents about the rumours.

Yet, the outcome was different on how he thought it would go. His parents went crazy, yelling at him, calling him a _liar, sinner, provoker,_ and worse. They did not believe a single word that their son said, they made sure to theorise that he had hallucinated the rumours and was being controlled by the Devil. 

The punishment was to leave school. Baekhyun had to say goodbye to the calm hours he'd spend inside a class with cheerful classmates and replace it with silent, deadly minutes looking at the bible until his eyes burned with tiredness. 

Nonetheless, there was still a little hope. 

Every day, he went to church with his sister to help with the afternoon chores. It was painful because he had to move around a lot, and the recent wounds and scars would make contact with the fabric of his clothing, putting him through an unstoppable and constant pain. But everything was better than staying home, even if he had to endure hours and hours of his sweat storing itself against the malnourished skin.

Rather than talking to the priest like all of the other kids did, Baekhyun had developed a strange connection with the priest’s son, Yixing.

The boy was older than Baekhyun by a few years and always helped his father out. Under Baekhyun’s point of view, Yixing was the total opposite of the monster that his father was. The boy was dedicated to helping anyone he could; he was kind and had one of the warmest smiles that could easily outshine Baekhee’s iconic puppy face. 

It was almost like this became his new routine; to watch Yixing from a distance since his parents wouldn’t allow him to talk. The poor attempts of hiding his insistent glances were useless because, in less than a week, Yixing was corresponding to the shy stares that the silent boy of the town would throw at him. 

It was a glance, nothing too special about it, but it still was provocative. Baekhyun had a routine to reject the sinful thought that came into his head; repeat a prayer; while his cheeks were tinted in rose and fiddling his fingers in nervousness. 

“You are not allowed to go to church anymore.” Those were the words that terminated the peak of his happiness — no more watching the boy whose eyes were filled with kindness and gave him a sense of tranquillity, no more hidden thoughts. 

The way his heart had been stained since then was overwhelming. He had blindly gambled against his hopes and lost because of his sins. 

With time, he learned that he wasn’t the one with the right answer. His parents weren’t the bad ones; he wasn’t a victim. He was the bad one.

He deserved all of the things that happened to him. 

His fingers closed on the carpet, stopping the true intention that his hated self wanted to do. He rested his head on the bible, sobbing in horror. Sobbing at the fact that his arms were shaking with fury when he wanted to destroy it and escape from that place. Escape from the multiple eyes fixed on his back, judging him.

“Baekhyun?” 

He looked up and recognised the man who the day before had unexpectedly appeared in his life. He seemed to be confused with the situation but did not hesitate to kneel and move forward, trying to hug him.

Baekhyun moved back, closing his eyes and starting, a reflex he had developed after being hit so many times.

"N-No, don't think I'm going to hit you, please. I just wanted to hug you, sorry. " Chanyeol apologised, trying to excuse his actions with pity, clearly feeling bad for scaring a person he had liked so much. “I just saw you crying and I-”

“W-We have to go. They are looking." Baekhyun stood up, grabbing his Bible with one hand and pulling Chanyeol with his other upstairs to his room. A sigh escaped Baekhyun’s when he closed the door behind them and found comfort inside his room once again.

“Promise me thou will not wander around the house anymore. My parents are not keen on having unexpected visits, and you are breaking the rules.” He whispered, running his hand through his hair. He was glad this occurrence hadn’t been with his parents at home.

Chanyeol nodded, still unsure of what to say. Should he ask about the fact he found Baekhyun crying? or was that being too invasive for being basically a stranger yet?

“I just came back because I really liked you…” He tried to explain, pulling a book from his bag. “And to repay your hospitality, you told me yesterday you were interested in psychology, right? I got you this book.”

Baekhyun looked at the book, frowning at the unknown words that served as a title. He looked back up and saw the clumsy man’s blinding smile and felt terrible there was no way he could reject that smile.

“I- I’m very devoted to the holy scriptures.” He signalled to the Bible still on his hand, biting his lip and trying to explain it in a way that won’t make him seem odd. Of course, he wouldn’t tell him he was forced to read only the Bible and couldn’t even spend his time doing anything else. “Apart from that, I cannot really read such a complicated vocabulary…”

“Well, I’m here for that, aren’t I?” Chanyeol sat down on the bed, accommodating his round glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Maybe that will help you to get that formal language a tone down.”

Baekhyun hesitated, the invitation was tempting, but then again, he was prohibited from reading anything other than the Bible. 

“Look, what kind of God would want their believers to not enjoy themselves? Isn’t that a bit selfish? Besides, it’s a gift; you are not supposed to deny it.” Chanyeol shrugged, extending his hand with the book towards Baekhyun. “Come to the dark side!”

“D-Do not say it like that-” Baekhyun grumbled, putting his bible aside and grabbing the book that Chanyeol was offering. “Promise me you will be patient.”

“Isn’t that what friends do?” 

“Friends?” Baekhyun gasped, astonished by even considering he’d be able to have a friend. “A-Are you serious?”

“Yup. Now open the book, Baekhyunee.” He teased, bumping his shoulder with his. 

With that, Byun Baekhyun earned a friend. 

~*~

Baekhyun determined the snake became prettier the more times he looked at it.

He was still getting used to the place he’d visit every time he fell asleep, not because it was horrible or too complicated. In fact, the garden was simple yet beautiful. But it was the calmness and peace that came with it that left him unbalanced. He was not used to being at peace, feeling at ease over such long periods of time.

And he didn’t lack company as well. The snake had become acquainted with his presence, progressively being more comfortable with him and even allowing him to touch it. 

Baekhyun thought he was terrified of snakes, but this one was special. Its colours were so beautiful, and the silent hiss sounded like music to his ears. Even the way it slid and circled his arms, legs and waist felt surprisingly pleasurable. Everything about it was perfect.

“Where are you going?” He asked the snake when it slid off his hand to the floor; watching as it started silently moving along the river until it disappeared between the rocks alongside it. “Hold on!” 

He chased.


	3. Chapter 3

~*~

“But since you refuse to listen when I call  
and no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand,  
since you disregard all my advice  
and do not accept my rebuke,  
I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you;  
I will mock when calamity overtakes you—  
when calamity overtakes you like a storm,  
when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind,  
when distress and trouble overwhelm you.”  
-Proverbs 1:24-27

~*~

Surprisingly, after a long time of not feeling anything besides pain and fear, Baekhyun could finally feel what his heart had so long ached for - Happiness.

He was happy in the morning when he opened his eyes and immediately thought about how his day wouldn’t end up with tears.

He was happy in the afternoon when he counted every single minute as he cleaned his room and fantasised about the knowledge he’d acquire until the sun was up again.

He was happy at midnight when the dead sound of the neighbourhood filled the emptiness of his house. When time stopped, just for a moment, and resumed once the shadowy figure slipped inside his bedroom through the window, announcing that /finally/ it was time. 

Every night from 12 to 8, Baekhyun would be astonished by the sole existence of little details he’d never paid any attention to. 

It was the sound the zipper Chanyeol’s bag made, and the lovely smell of any snack he’d bring to Baekhyun as a gift, aside from the books he’d pull out for them to read together, supposedly obtained from the local library. It was Chanyeol’s stupid and funny ways of making up accents and linger on the “s” for too long just to tease Baekhyun’s impatience at every end of the sentence. It was the way their fingers accidentally brushed when they both tried to flip the page and the lovely sound of Chanyeol’s giggle when Baekhyun would blush instantly and look away.

Even the moments of silence, where they wouldn’t even look at each other, yet smile like fools as if they had the power to secretly communicate what they were thinking with their minds. Even that pure and childish aspect of their friendship felt like heaven to Baekhyun.

He’d sometimes wonder if he was the one being weird, or if Chanyeol adjusted himself to be able to make up a dynamic with the silent and brainless man who had helped him on a cold night. His sister had told him about her friendships as years went by, and along those years Baekhyun’s memories about what even talking to someone was like vanished. She said “It is fun Baekhyun, it really is. We do all sorts of crazy stuff! If mom and dad were to hear it, they’d lock me up like they do with you. So, you have to promise to not tell them if you want more details, okay?” 

He said yes. He kept it a secret even though his heart pounded with worry and he’d mourn his betrayal to the Lord for not informing their parents about the unholy things his sister committed with her crazed friends. Because he loved her, he loved his sister too much; even more than he loved God.

So, the image of a normal friendship that he constructed inside his head with the help of his sister's insight was totally different from what he had with Chanyeol. But it didn’t feel wrong. Being with Chanyeol felt right.

“What are you thinking about?”

Baekhyun blinked, recognising the voice he’d learn to adore over a month. He looked to his side and took in the frame of his only friend, already seated on the bed, right beside him with a big smile plastered on his face. 

He puckered his lips, confused. The timing didn’t match; it was still afternoon. He could tell by the warm sunlight bathing the space around them, accentuating Chanyeol’s sharp yet beautiful features, making his skin look like burnished bronze. 

“Earth to Baekhyun?” Chanyeol waved his hand in front of Baekhyun’s face, hoping to get a coherent response rather than a perplexed expression. 

“It 's afternoon,” Baekhyun whispered, blinking many times to make sure his eyes weren’t betraying him. Maybe the isolation was finally getting to him — if it hadn’t already been enough after all of those years. 

“Oh, I guess you are taken aback by my early visit.” The tall man stretched his arms and smiled. “I wanted to surprise you. Also, I wanted us to finish our readings earlier, I’ve probably messed up your sleeping schedule, and I feel guilty about it. Although you are not sleeping now… When do you sleep?”

“I- I do not sleep that many hours; if I’m being honest.” Baekhyun replied. “Barely even with those strange dreams that I’ve been having,” He thought.

“That is not good Baekhyun. I want to take care of you, but you need to help me with that, we’ve already made progress with your skinny self, right? I’m glad you are gaining some weight. But it won’t help your whole body if you don’t sleep enough hours. How about you nap and I’ll wake you up when I hear your parents call you for dinner?”

“No!” Baekhyun roared, grabbing Chanyeol’s wrists to emphasise his words. He stayed a few seconds exasperatedly looking at him before his insistent grip loosened and he exhaled. “No. I can sleep earlier in the night, but I’m…” He looked back at his door, the one he’d have to open at 7 for dinner — the one he’d have to open to suffer. “What time is it?”

“6:47, why? You are freaking out, Baekhyun, is everything alright? Are you sure you don’t need to rest?"

"I just… I don’t feel tired. Why don’t you come back later? I have a lot of stuff to do; I’d be ignoring you the whole day.” Baekhyun smiled reassuringly. He needed to get him out of the house. Otherwise, the mask would drop.

“I don’t care. I can help you!” Chanyeol insisted, looking like an excited puppy who didn’t notice that his owner didn’t want him around.

Baekhyun looked at the watch attached to the latter’s wrist. 6:50. He had ten minutes.

“I eat at 7!” He blurted out, making up the excuse in his head as he said it out loud. “I need to help my mother to settle the table.”

Baekhyun’s guilt was eating him alive. He wouldn’t dare to look at Chanyeol’s expression, which was now shifting into a sad one. His eyes were becoming wet and miserable when moments ago they were shining like the sun, full of joy. “I won't do it, I won’t. I won’t -”

“Stay. W-Wait for me until I finish dinner. Is that alright?” Baekhyun’s heart jumped with happiness when he saw Chanyeol’s face light up once again, but the back of his mind was screaming against this idea. This was bad. He would be exposed. “I’m going.”

He ran away from the room and closed the door behind him, breath once again cut short when the air shifted and his body naturally tensed in defence because he knew that outside his room, there was no safe place. He swallowed and proceeded to walk with careful steps until he reached the staircase. The sound of chopping that came from the kitchen felt like cuts that increased deeper on his skin once he entered the room.

As always, his mom and his sister were there. His mom was chopping vegetables for Baekhee’s lunch while she chatted with her about the day. There, in the moments where Baekhyun wasn’t present, her sweetness and motherhood came back. She looked at her daughter with adoration, talking to her with the sweetest voice and most peaceful manners.

It was nice to see his mother this way, at least once. Even though this totally different persona wasn’t for him but for his sister, he was glad. Baekhee shouldn’t suffer what he suffered every day, she was his little sister, and he would always wish the best for her, leaving jealousy behind.

“What are you doing here?” And there it was. The instant shift. The cold voice, the dull eyes, the pressured grip on the knife that was slicing a carrot. All factors that terrified Baekhyun.

“I thought I heard you calling me for dinner, I’m sorry…” 

“You? Since when do you refer to me that way? Haven’t you got stuck in the past with those odd and rare words you always speak?” Baekhyun’s mom spat the words like daggers; there was no hesitation behind it, no good intentions. Just the objective to stab and hurt her son, let him suffer in pain until he finally stopped bothering.

“M-Mom, I’m sure Baekhyun didn’t mean it. Weren’t you telling me about Father Zhang? The story was getting interesting.” Baekhee interrupted. She had already gotten used to these scenes, but that didn’t mean she was extremely uncomfortable when she was a witness of her brother’s constant torture. Over time, as she grew older and matured, she learned how to subtly interfere, calm her mother’s rage and use her charm as a benefit. It wouldn’t always work, but she tried nonetheless.

“Sit down in the chair! Don’t speak, and maybe stop breathing to see if your stupid and useless head learns how to not interrupt conversations.” 

Baekhyun nodded, instantly sitting down in his designated chair. Sitting at the table was a privilege. His mom usually told him to sit on the floor, because chairs didn’t fit _sinners_. 

“Do you know sweetie? Your teacher called me the other day to tell me how impressed he was with your grades and your intelligence. He said you will definitely be someone important when you finally are of age.” Baekhyun could hear his mom’s voice shift once again, he couldn’t see her face because his gaze was kept down as a sign of respect, but he recognised the chopping was faster, and words became suddenly sour. “Not like your brother. Look at him, he’s already twenty, and he’s no fit for anyone. Haven’t you noticed him gaining weight lately? How is he going to marry a girl when he’s fat and ugly? Useless I may add, he will only be a burden for us.”

Baekhyun bit his tongue in shame, hoping that the man upstairs wasn’t hearing his mom’s words. He wasn’t embarrassed because of her behaviour; he was embarrassed because she was right. Who would even want him? He didn’t know how to take care of himself; he couldn’t even please his Lord. How could he please anyone else?

“W-What about I settle the table? The soup must be ready!” Baekhee interfered once again, running to the drawers to pull out the tableware.

“Don’t put the silverware for the _sinner_.” A scoff was heard, “He will manage eating with his fingers. I’ve already given him enough privilege by sitting at the table. Oh, and serve him less soup. I’m not feeding him more than what he needs to survive; he will manage with all of the fat he’s been gaining.”

Baekhyun pinched the skin around his stomach while his sister settled the table. Was he that fat? He asked himself as he squished the fat; so little, but it felt like the heaviest thing under his fingers. It was a fact. He was too fat. What if Chanyeol noticed but didn’t want to say anything out of courtesy? Would he grow disgusted as time went by, and force himself to not bring more snacks because of the error he committed to feed it to someone so undeserving and hungry like a slot machine? Would he leave him because of that?

The worry started to build up so rapidly he barely even noticed his family was already seated at the table, eating and ignoring his existence. Well, pretending to, at least.

“ _Sinner_. You haven’t eaten the soup.” The comment was made by his father, yet he instantly looked at his mother. She was the one who made the soup; therefore, she would be highly offended. If she got mad at him, he’d be punished.

The word punishment was incredibly terrifying in his household. It didn’t always mean the same thing. Depending on the gravity of the offence, Baekhyun would go through different punishments. He had no other choice than to sit back and wonder what kind of pain he’d go through in the next few minutes. 

But it was the expectancy of something that he didn’t decipher to happen that made him sick.

“I’m sorry.” He apologised, digging his fingers in the hot liquid and trying to shift them upwards so he could make a spoon like gesture with his hands. Every time he did it, it felt disgusting. He’d feel the texture of the small unprocessed ingredients drying on his hand if he didn’t lick every inch of his skin properly, and the messiness of the loud slurping he couldn’t control.

“Now we have forgotten table manners, haven’t we?” Her voice started to build up harsher, making Baekhyun stop trying to eat, his drenched hand forgotten in the air while he stared at his mother’s eyes. “Recite Ephesians 5:5 for us, _sinner._ ”

Baekhyun opened his mouth, ready to recite what he had read 100 times already, and memorised every word until there was no space for anything else. However, no word came out of his lips. His brain shut down, only allowing him to remember facts about the books he read with Chanyeol every night.

It was then when he noticed. One month. It had been one month since he totally refused to read the Bible; or to even pray. He was so distracted with his new friend, with the happiness he finally found, that his mind instantly erased anything else that hadn’t to do with it. 

“I cannot believe it!” His mother was livid. She stood up from the table, chair slamming down behind her from the sudden movement. “I knew you were slacking! What do you do now, huh? Do we have to punish you a hundred times to make it clear?” She slammed her hands down onto the table; tableware clattering from the impact as if in fear of her as well, “Do you not feel embarrassed when you look up to God?!” 

Baekhyun flinched when his plate of soup fell to the floor with one swipe from his mother’s hand. All he could do was stare at the shattered pieces that once formed a plate, and the disgusting soup that was drying on his hand splattered across the floor. 

“Off the table!” She screamed, making her husband who was seated beside Baekhyun harshly push his son to the floor, watching how the small creature he once called his child cut his skin with the broken pieces of ceramic that tinted themselves with red. “You will clean that with your tongue. And pick up the pieces with your mouth. I do not care the slightest if you cut if open! You have twenty minutes so hurry up!”

Baekhyun looked down at the mess. He could definitely make it in 20 minutes. A few cuts on his lips but he would make it alive that night.

But he couldn’t move either. The shame crept up from his back to head, sinking on his eyes and poking behind them, forcing tears to come out like waves in the sea. Powerful and never-ending, threatening to take it all with them and bury it some place far away, where it wouldn’t be found again.

“Are you deaf? Do you want me to stick the shards up your mouth?” She threatened; wanting an answer but not giving time for such, her voice exploding at him again, “I said clean!” 

Chanyeol was listening. He was sure Chanyeol was upstairs listening to the mess that was happening downstairs. Maybe this was his punishment; he slipped up with his devotion. His Lord wouldn’t allow that, no, he would always remind him that a destiny where he was happy was not fitting for him if he didn’t follow the rules. And because he broke them, it was time to return to loneliness.

The last thing Baekhyun remembered from that night was the sole feeling of bitterness consuming him wholly, while his father yanked his hair and dragged him to the backyard to make him understand to never disobey.

_Never._

~*~

The garden had no passage of time.

It was always night time whenever he laid down in green pastures, when he walked beside quiet waters, when he chased the snake down a long path until his feet stung and his breath left his lungs. The silver moonlight would never stop bathing him during those moments.

Everything about the Garden refreshed his soul. He described every aspect of it as Paradise, a detached place from reality that felt as good as an aphrodisiac.

This time, he was chasing the snake once again. There was no purpose behind it, no reasoning on why his feet would automatically start moving on their own. But they did, he did not hesitate to chase the snake wherever it wanted to take him. 

“Wait!” 

He ran faster but eventually came to a halt. The snake had stopped between two trees, both about the same size, big enough to create a complete dark shadow surrounding them that did not let light through. 

The one on the right had heavy and light-coloured fruits, resembling peaches that were soaked with the dew that had fallen from the dark sky. Even though the fruit looked pleasant to the eye, he did not feel hunger. Not yet.

The one on the left was the one the snake slid its body to reach to its fruit. There was a single fruit. Red as the colour of passion, dark like the snake’s red scales, wet and available to grab and eat. When the snake’s tail finished curling on the fruit, Baekhyun’s mouth salivated.

He felt hunger.


	4. Chapter 4

~*~

“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey  
its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an  
instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those  
who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of  
yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no  
longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”  
-Romans 6:12-14

~*~

Baekhyun woke up with the feeling that he was going to drown, as if in his lungs thousands of small but deadly thorns were blooming, which were accumulating and making their way to his throat, making it impossible for him to beg for help. His hands desperately reached out to anything he could grasp on to, anything.

His fingers wrapped around the frame of a shadow in front of him, and he cried out, sobbing.

“Baekhyun, calm down. Hold my hand, just like this.” The shadow grabbed his trembling and cold hands, warming them up with minimal contact. The touch burned at first, but then it turned pleasantly comforting, fingertips delicately massaging just his hands, pressing slightly at the sensible part of the palm. One time and each, every time the pressure in his hand was made, one thorn withered and he was able to breathe again.

“Chanyeol…”

“Don’t speak now, your nose is bleeding again.” Chanyeol was still a part of the deep darkness within the room. Just then, Baekhyun noticed that it was already nighttime, probably a couple of hours subsequent to his last memory.

Right, all he remembered was his father dragging him down the backyard and then black. He didn’t remember ever walking back to his room, especially in the state his beaten body was. There was no way his father had carried him there; no one would dare to step in the _sinner’s_ room, it was probably cursed. His father was more likely to make him stay the night outside, and let him tend to his wounds as best as he could alone in the dark night.

“Okay, it stopped. I’ll grab a towel from the bathroom to get your face cleaned, okay?” 

“N-No,” Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol before he could move, lower lip trembling before he mumbled a quiet request. “Stay, please.”

Chanyeol stayed still, sighing with worry once again. He wasn’t sure on what to do, whether he should ignore Baekhyun’s request and get the wet towel to clean up the blood from his face or just stay and get him calmed down until he figured out what to do next.

The situation wasn’t perfect. Chanyeol had many questions inside his head regarding what had happened that night. All he could do was to stay in his room and listen to the quiet screams and dry and loud sounds that came from the backyard. If he tried to look out, he would only see darkness, and Chanyeol didn’t want to risk getting found if he exited the room. Yet, when he looked at Baekhyun, he regretted not to.

The guilt was eating him alive; he should have run downstairs and stopped whatever things Baekhyun’s family was doing to him. He should have held Baekhyun between his arms and protected him because he cared for him so much that every bruise he saw on his skin felt like a direct punch to his heart. He had been an accomplice, too; he just let it all happen.

“How about you lie down, hm? You look tired.” Chanyeol ignored the unusual daring pace he took when his fingers traced Baekhyun’s cheek, following the path of dried tears that stained the beautiful skin. “We can sleep together if that makes you feel safer.”

“S-Sleep together?” Baekhyun scurried away from the touch instantly, appearing absolutely terrified of the idea Chanyeol had just proposed. 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, looked confused. He didn’t feel like his request was weird; on the contrary, he thought it would have them both feel safer. “Yes, I want to assure you I won’t try anything weird. I just want to-”

“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” Baekhyun interrupted, reciting the lines like it was something as basic as his name. It was weird that just hours before, he couldn’t remember the words he had memorised for years, but at that moment, in the privacy of his room with Chanyeol being the only one present, he remembered every verse without struggling. 

“Isn’t that a bit stupid, though?” Chanyeol sighed, spilling out what he actually had been holding back ever since he noticed Baekhyun’s obsession with God. “Your God is supposed to love his children, right? Then why would he make up these rules that don’t even make sense?”

“W-Well…” Baekhyun faltered for a second, he had never had his beliefs questioned, so he was clueless about how he should respond. “We are our Lord’s creation; he knows what's best for us because we come from him.”

“So that means he can control us all he wants just because he’s our creator? I don’t buy that Baekhyun.”

“No,” Baekhyun muttered while shaking his head, “He gave us a beautiful gift; we have free will. We can choose what we want to do.”

“Then I don’t see the problem in us resting together in the same bed.” Chanyeol refuted, smiling when Baekhyun opened his mouth but closed it again, looking defeated. “I don’t mean to force you to do this, Baekhyun. Heck, I don’t even want to fight you about these things, you look terribly tired. I feel terribly guilty if I keep you up because of something so minimal compared to your health.”

“W-We can sleep together then you must be tired as well.” Baekhyun felt bad for overreacting just like that, Chanyeol seemed genuine, and his reasoning made sense. He didn’t have to use a bible verse for an excuse he was actually directed to himself. “I don’t feel pressured, I promise.”

“If you do, at some point, do kick me out of the bed.” Chanyeol moved right beside Baekhyun, occupying most of the mattress with his large body. “Am I squeezing you against the wall? Sorry, my body is too big.”

Baekhyun stifled a laugh, trying to put on a serious face, even though he was sure Chanyeol could barely make out their surroundings considering the only light that came through was from the street, and it barely allowed its real purpose. “Were you serious about the fact that I could kick you from the bed if you bother me too much?”

“Well… Uh, could you at least wake me up properly before kicking me?” Chanyeol asked, frowning and giving a light push when Baekhyun quietly giggled, apparently amused by the latter’s reaction. “Don’t joke around, come on, off to sleep.”

And with that, they spent the night hugging each other; with Baekhyun hugging Chanyeol’s frame with full force, while the latter held Baekhyun with the utmost care, afraid of hurting him more than he already was.

When Baekhyun woke up the next morning, the state of his body didn’t matter. He was still smiling from the warmth he slept with all night, thinking about how he could get used to it. He, inside his heart, felt security for the first time. Chanyeol had the choice to leave, yet he didn’t, he stayed and buried himself deeper inside Baekhyun’s appreciation, winning the grand prize: trust.

He trusted Chanyeol with his life. 

So, he fell into the routine again. Leaving the bed and tidying up his room, where he noticed something slightly different. Chanyeol’s bag, which he always took with him while he was away from Baekhyun’s house, was laying on the floor. 

“Weird, he must have forgotten it.” Baekhyun thought, noticing how the zipper was open, letting the corner of a book peak out. Now, Baekhyun didn’t mean to look through Chanyeol’s belongings because he knew that wasn’t right. But he really thought it was the book they were unable to read the other day. So, out of pure curiosity, he pulled it out to investigate its content.

The cover of the book was plain, coloured in black and nothing else, lacking a proper title. Baekhyun frowned, confused. What kind of book didn’t have a title? Maybe it had it on the first page. However, when he opened it, he was surprised to not see words typed out. 

Instead, the book contained a series of drawings of which Baekhyun was curious to explore. He was clueless about Chanyeol’s passion for drawing. Maybe he had hidden it because he felt insecure about his abilities? Perhaps he should leave the book alone. Maybe? Most definitely, it was not right to mess with someone else's belongings without permission.

But his eyes had already gotten stuck in the smooth and perfect lines traced across the thin paper. Every trace appeared to have been done with a black pencil, but the precision over details made the lack of colours even more beautiful, enticing. 

The anatomy of a man was not unknown to his eyes, and this drawing clearly depicted a naked body. Every inch carefully was constructed under the impeccable lines of the broad shoulders; every curve, accentuation on the small waist, the detailing on the thighs. The hands positioned exactly between the spread legs was nothing but a useless effort to cover the virile member. The dark cavities between the depths of the flesh, exposing minimal but present body hair. All the details were perfectly terrifying.

Baekhyun shouldn't have continued, but his fingers turned the pages on their own.

The moles, their wet eyes, the saliva, the sweat, the positions, the lips that were colliding with each other, the huge and furtive hands, sliding through forbidden areas. The scratch marks, the bite marks, the bodies that were melting into each other. All the drawings depicted obscenities that Baekhyun had never dared to imagine in his life.

Never in his life was he faster than in that moment, when he closed the book in a sharp movement and saved it inside the bag, closing the zipper and locking the book inside with whatever images had popped up in his head. He stepped back from the bag and silently resumed with his routine, hoping for Chanyeol to not come early to pick up his bag. 

Maybe closing the bag hadn’t been enough, because wherever he moved to clean, or no matter how many times he tried to concentrate reading Galatians 5:19-21 out loud, the images haunting him came back, feeding into the compressed desires he felt burning deep inside. 

His repetitive whispers turned into sighs, a dry mouth and lips that ached for something more than water or even his own saliva. His body carried out the real desires he felt within and pushed them out to make him realise he couldn’t hide them anymore.

And at 12 pm, when Chanyeol slid inside his room, smiling with those red and irresistible lips, turning into a cute but confused line when he stared at the motionless Baekhyun who didn’t greet him as usual, was when he gave up.

It was a glance, nothing too special about it, but it still was provocative. This time Baekhyun ignored his routine, feet moving by default closer to Chanyeol, closer to _sin_. He didn't even notice what he was doing until he felt the plush lips against his, a wet muscle slowly penetrating his virgin mouth and heightening his taste buds. 

It was pleasant, like the warmth of summer sliding against his throat; sweet nectar that would release if he bit. And he did, his teeth took Chanyeol's lower lip, biting it softly like a fruit, seeking the sweetness of knowing he had surrendered under something that had been chasing him so long.

The flexing of their tongues, the fusing breaths, ecstasy, fear, lust and the electrifying sensation of scales caressing the skin like tiny needles penetrating the pores and injecting venom made him feel alive.

A thunder sentenced the separation of their mouths. Raindrops were falling against the earth as if God wept, tears soaking the mundane world in despair caused by the secret sin that both of their souls committed in Baekhyun's small room.

"S-Since when it has started to pour?" Baekhyun asked, limbs failing to do their work while his body slumped against Chanyeol's, blurry gaze recognising where they stood as the paradise his mind had constructed in his dreams before he blinked for the second time and came back to reality.

"Does it really matter?" Chanyeol's hand firmly gripped the latter’s waist and pulled him to lay down on the neat bed. "Ignore your routine today; I will teach you something better."

Baekhyun then learned that his path had crooked slightly. His will was no longer dedicated to God, but it had bent to passion, a new discovery that felt way better than everything he had experienced in his life.

Sinning was indeed much better than praying.


	5. Chapter 5

~*~

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”  
-James 4:17

~*~

Looking up at the sky in the morning was different. It felt refreshing, completely new. Baekhyun never dared to go out before, to his backyard, unless it were at night when praying time would strike. But this was totally off his usual self, which didn’t mean it was terrible. Building new memories, ones that were peaceful to replace the ones he’d be terrified of remembering.

Yeah, this was new to him. 

Of course, this would have never happened if it weren’t for Chanyeol, his now proclaimed boyfriend. Ever since that stormy night, when he surrendered to his desires, he finally felt alive — spending the days cuddling with Chanyeol, kissing him for as long as he could without caring about memorising the lines of the Bible, or caring about anything else, really. Every moment with Chanyeol was enough for him to be happy.

He turned, feeling the wet grass stain his skin, just to look at Chanyeol calmly resting with his eyes closed. It had been his idea to go out and enjoy the beautiful day, considering Baekhyun’s family wouldn’t be back until a few hours. Although for him, watching Chanyeol was more entertaining than watching the sky.

He felt it on his fingertips, in his nerves, inside his heart. He would stare and stare for hours, even when Chanyeol would make weird faces while he was asleep, even when he looked like a picture that didn’t change at all, even if he would wither with time and get wrinkly as years went by; even then, Baekhyun would still feel the same. Completely, unregrettably and eternally in love.

“Are you planning to murder me?” Chanyeol murmured with a slight rasp behind his deep voice, probably from just having woken up from his nap. He opened his eyes and turned around as well, facing his boyfriend and smiling. “I feel your stare.”

“What if I am? Will you try to stop me?” Baekhyun moved closer, sliding one of his legs on top of Chanyeol’s waist. He had become comfortable with their bodies touching, even though neither of them had implied any type of sexual activity. 

Chanyeol laughed and kissed Baekhyun on the lips dearly, taking his sweet time to memorise his mouth once again. The electricity between their kisses was still unbelievable for them, each time their humid lips melted under the sensuality of each other's mouth feeding into their desires.

“Mhh, we need to go back inside…” Baekhyun whispered between their kisses, not really meaning what he said. He could spend the whole day like this, but he was aware of their situation, even though he was carefree he did have consciousness of their relationship. They had to be careful until they knew what to do about everything.

“It’s only 2 pm…” Chanyeol whined.

“Nope.” Baekhyun kissed him shortly on the lips before attempting to stand up, a thing he couldn’t do now that Chanyeol had protectively put his hand around his waist, keeping him on the ground with him. “Chanyeol-”

“I’ll let you go if you answer one question.” He stubbornly asked, pouting when Baekhyun shook his head in disapproval. “I promise I’ll let you go when you answer.”

Baekhyun sighed and nodded, giving up. He really couldn’t say no to Chanyeol’s awfully cute pout. So he stayed in the same position and waited for the question.

“What is your ideal type of man?”

"A tall man with dark brown hair and big ears..." He joked, eyes glinting with joy and playfulness. He didn’t really know how to flirt, but he had learnt from Chanyeol’s natural romantic behaviour. "... Who cuddles me every night. What about you?"

"I like..." Chanyeol moved closer to Baekhyun, using his fingers to massage the sensible parts of his scalp. "I like someone emotional, who isn't afraid to tell me what he feels, who has the biggest heart only open to me, and..." He paused, staring deeply into Baekhyun’s eyes, altering his breathing when his thumb pressed against his lower lip. "Who has the prettiest lips in the world."

Baekhyun leaned forward, barely meeting his lips with Chanyeol’s; the thumb brushing against their lips and working as a barrier.

"Do you know what else I like?" Chanyeol whispered, making Baekhyun lift his gaze and _lose himself_ in the hypnotising dark eyes. "Someone who would do anything for me, who would risk his whole life and purpose only to please me... are you that man?"

“Yes.” 

“Then run away with me.” 

The proposal came out of nowhere, knocking Baekhyun off his daze. He widened his eyes with confusion while Chanyeol looked hopeful, waiting for the immediate yes to his request.

“I- I can’t do that, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun moved his leg off Chanyeol, also pulling his face further from his. “Are you joking?”

“No! No, my angel.” Chanyeol used Baekhyun’s pet name to try to convince him about the decision. He knew it was crazy and rushed, but he wished to run away with Baekhyun on his side with fervour. “It will be good. We have each other; we can start over somewhere far away from here. Isn’t that nice? No need to hide from others, or to obey useless rules? You just need to… not leave witnesses behind.”

“Chanyeol you are insane, I cannot leave. Under any circumstances. I need to get my sister out of here first, or my parents will turn the fault on her.” Baekhyun seemed more and more convinced as minutes went by that the idea was not ideal at all. He did love Chanyeol, and the idea of running away was something he had wished to be able to do for many years. But he promised himself his sister was first. 

“Your sister? She’s just like your family Baekhyun! I didn’t want to tell you this because I don’t want to offend you, but I feel there’s something wrong with her. She loves to brag about her perfect world with you when she knows you are stuck here and suffering! Did she ever even try to help you when your parents beat you up?” Chanyeol exasperatedly let out, making Baekhyun gasp and stand up instantly, brushing the grass off his clothes.

“You will not talk about my sister like that! She’s only 16, and she tries her hardest to help me out as much as she can.” He spat out, crossing his arms to feel higher, to finally be able to confront someone for the first time. “I will show you she’s not like them! But I want you to leave.”

“Baekhyun, I-”

“I said, Leave! You can come back at night.” He turned around and snuck inside his house. He felt no terror, even when he passed the living room lined with crosses, or when he stomped too loudly on the staircase, Baekhyun only felt anger because Chanyeol had been so disrespectful towards the only person he cared about besides him. 

He just sat down on his lonely bed and waited, waited until he heard the car engine that once terrified him. 

“Baekhee.” He whispered, after sneaking inside her room 5 minutes after his family arrived home. It was surprising because he knew his parents would shower and concentrate on their own business, not paying attention to what happened inside their children’s rooms. Baekhyun could have snuck inside Baekhee’s room and talked to her for hours, and their parents wouldn’t notice. Yet, he never did, because the fear overtook every centimetre of his body and left him isolated, inside his room.

Baekhee seemed surprised; she never expected to see her brother inside her room, not after so many years. They used to be more daring and closer when younger, but as years went by and the punishments that fell on Baekhyun became worse, they decided not to interact too much. And she knew that Baekhyun was terrified of leaving his room, which was why she pinched her arm to confirm she wasn’t dreaming. “What are you doing here, Baek? Are you real?”

“Of course, I am!” He exclaimed in whispers, sitting down on her much bigger and fluffier bed, covered with the softest bedding and cutest plushies he had ever seen. When he looked around, he noticed the childish and girly aspects of the room, and it made him smile. If Chanyeol were to see this, he would realise how his sister couldn’t even hurt a fly. “I-I need to tell you something.” 

“Sure.” Baekhee sat down beside him, smiling at him with the most blinding smile she had. She had always been a good listener and never judged Baekhyun for his choices. Yet, Baekhyun was struggling with the idea of outing his secret.

“I’m… I’m…” Baekhyun took a deep breath and continued. “I’m going out with a man. We have been secretly hanging out for more than a month now.” When he looked to his side, he expected to see nothing but disgust on his sister’s face.

Instead, she hugged him for a long time, telling him how proud she was of him for being so brave and trusting her even though they couldn’t be the closest siblings in the world considering their circumstances. They stayed inside the comfort of her pink and perfect room, talking until they hadn’t anything to say, just at the same time their mother called them for dinner. 

And pretending to be distant and cold came into play again. Baekhyun trailed behind his sister with a certain distance, and she had to pretend to be bothered by his presence, or ignoring he even existed inside the room. 

“Mom, can Baekhyun sit at the table today? I have an important announcement to make.” Baekhee asked her mom, discreetly winking at her brother. 

Baekhyun wondered what the announcement was. His sister hadn’t told him anything out of the ordinary that day. Judging by the wink, he thought it might have been only a small trick she pulled out her sleeve to give him a proper meal. Otherwise, he probably would have been fed a piece of bread on the floor. 

He didn’t complain, he sat down at the table with his family and ate as much as he could, enjoying the silent course of the meal. 

“Oh yes, the announcement.” Baekhee suddenly spoke, smiling at her family with her usual bright and youthful face. “I’ve figured why Baekhyun has been acting weird lately.”

Baekhyun swallowed the piece of meat that got stuck in his throat once he heard his name and forgot how to eat. He felt sweat forming at the back of his neck, and a burning sensation at the pit of his stomach, as if he hadn’t eaten anything for days and was dying from hunger. He swallowed once again, looking at his little sister, who suddenly looked much bigger than him — Grand and superior, with a bitter smile that looked like an exact copy of their mother.

“Today he confessed to me that he’s been dating a man. Isn’t that disgusting? A homosexual in our house.” 

Silence. 

“What?” Baekhyun’s father scoffed, looking at Baekhyun for a few seconds, realising by his expression that Baekhee was indeed telling the truth. “You are not a homosexual. You did not dare to do that to our God. You did not, _sinner…” His voice was loud, going oddly quiet, just to burst out again even worse than before,_ “Tell me you did not!”

Baekhyun didn’t flinch this time, even when his father hit the table with his fist, screaming like a possessed man right in front of his face, spitting drops of saliva all over his skin. All he did was feel remorse. He should have listened to Chanyeol. He was right. Every member of his family was just like the other. 

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” He started murmuring, closing his eyes when his mother pulled him from his chair, pushing him harshly against the wall. He ignored the sting in the back of his head, and his voice became more apparent as he continued. “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

“Shut up! Shut up!” The screams turned into hits on his whole body.

He wasn’t sure when he started tasting blood combined with vomit that spilt from his mouth, but he kept on reciting. “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 

Along with that verse, died his soul. 

~*~

Chanyeol had arrived at 12 pm, as usual.

The night was an accomplice. The neighbourhood silent. The house buried in darkness.

The dense air was suffocating; it spiralled like a rope against his throat that kept on burying in his skin by every step Chanyeol made towards Baekhyun's bed, but he wasn't there. In fact, the bed had never been touched. It was perfectly neat like Baekhyun had left it in the morning before leaving the room, their peaceful space to face his cruel reality.

Chanyeol listened closely, aware of the possibility that something was wrong. 

Every night, the walls seemed to be soundproof, dead noise inside. And that night wouldn't be different if it wasn't for the faint sound of the running shower.

He breathed.

It was unusual for the responsible boy to take a shower at this hour, breaking his usual routine. It had been a struggle to keep him awake to greet Chanyeol every night that it would be impossible that he changed his routine so drastically.

Chanyeol's movements were silent, secretive. So when he stepped into the bathroom, Baekhyun didn't even notice him.

In reality, Baekhyun's state wouldn't allow him to hear anything. He was sitting down in the bathtub, letting the showerhead spill water all over his naked self. His skin was irritated, shades of vibrant pink and red blossomed along his shoulders, chest, stomach, legs, knees and feet. It looked swollen like it was about to explode and spill crimson all over the pristine white bathroom.

The water slid his tears away, along with pieces of dead skin which found their way into the drain, disappearing and erasing any remains of what was once untouched and virgin layers that covered Baekhyun's body. Said boy was hunched, displaying his prominent spine that kept on crawling outside, consuming the space where fat existed at some point, showing the hungry skeleton that kept on feeding on the boy's malnutrition. 

Chanyeol smiled, hand reaching out to lift the only place where the skin remained untouched; Baekhyun's face.

Baekhyun's bloodshot eyes, wetter than the droplets soaking his body, more abundant than all of the existing oceans, still recognised Chanyeol.

His saviour, his oxygen, his will, his **_everything_**.

"Oh, Angel…" Chanyeol whispered softly; loving expression firing strongly as his eyes followed the Baekhyun’s hands uncovering his ears and dropping to his sides, limbs going lax for the first time. "...They have broken you already, haven't they?"

"Ch-Ch…" Baekhyun gasped, trembling fingers weakly gripping Chanyeol as if he was the only thing he could hold to not fall into nothingness. "...Y-Yeol."

And out he was again, corrupted and broken, falling into the arms of the devil.

~*~

The heat that washed in waves against his face was not the fact that made him feel ill. It was the sound; so familiar and peculiar. It was the same that he had already experienced years ago, by his own hands, when he had set his backyard on fire and took a step back to watch the flames consume everything.

However, this time he could not observe. He couldn't open his eyes or move; he was trapped in the flames that consumed everything around him. The trees, the grass, the bushes, the fruits, even the moon. He simply had to endure hearing his paradise shatter by the memories that haunted him.

Baekhyun tried to open his mouth and yell for help, but it was useless. His lips were sealed and locked; his ears, the only sense that was possible for him to use and had heightened, let him know that there was not much time left until he too was destroyed along with paradise.

The sound of the wilting leaves grew slowly, turning into what sounded like howls of pain, screams that penetrated his ears and made his body vibrate.

The moment he realised that the screams were his own, he woke up.


	6. Chapter 6

~*~

How you have fallen from heaven,  
morning star, son of the dawn!  
You have been cast down to the earth,  
you who once laid low the nations!  
You said in your heart,  
“I will ascend to the heavens;  
I will raise my throne  
above the stars of God;  
I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly,  
on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon.  
I will ascend above the tops of the clouds;  
I will make myself like the Most High.”  
But you are brought down to the realm of the dead,  
to the depths of the pit.

~*~

When Baekhyun woke up, he couldn’t help but to feel sick. 

It wasn’t because the wounds that decorated his skin burnt with every slight movement he made, and it wasn’t the irritating and constant pain pounding in his head. No. It was something different, it wasn’t a physical feeling, but one that came from his mind and surpassed everything he could feel. 

It was the dreadful feeling that something wrong was going to happen to him, that his last hope would tear apart and leave him with nothing, with nothing to grasp onto and keep balancing on the thin and weak string of sanity. 

The screams following the dream still rang in his ears like a prayer, a chanting he couldn’t forget. Something he’d hear in the back of his head continuously.

"Baekhyun," The screams stopped, now there was a strong voice calling out his name. Whoever it was, his voice was not as familiar as the screams. Baekhyun turned his head in the direction where the voice was coming from, and he found himself staring at some facial features he felt he hadn't seen for a long time.

A handsome face. Plush rosy lips, long and straight nose, furrowed eyebrows in concern. Oh, he could see the perfectly smooth skin slowly turn wrinkling between his eyes. Yes! The eyes were the ones Baekhyun recalled the most familiar, as well as the most nostalgic... He could recognise those warm brown eyes everywhere, because the meaning behind them, the emotion they held were about the size of the universe, infinite, everything but nothing. He knew that there was so much in those eyes, in that stare; but he never knew the meaning of it. That's what made it so special.

However, when he blinked and looked for a string of a few seconds, he realised how wrong he was. This was not familiar, at all. The smooth skin that mixed in with coloured scales in different tones of white and red, presenting the gloriously white styled hair, falling graciously on top of his perfect face, accentuating the pale-coloured eyes, shining in silver just like the moon.

This wasn’t Chanyeol, not **his** Chanyeol. 

For his Chanyeol had never been real, and at that moment, he met face to face with the real Chanyeol.

He sat down and grabbed the cross hung on top of his bed as fast as he could, gripping with such force he felt his nails could bend and break if he used more pressure on the wooden object. He couldn’t care less, even if his hands were covered in blue and purple spots that brought sharp waves of pain through his whole body. Nothing could compare to the pain he felt when looking at the one that destroyed his heart little by little, tearing it apart and playing with the bleeding still beating pieces that ached to be reconstructed but were fooled only to be thrown away and stepped on like nothing. 

He opened his mouth to say something, to curse at him, banish him from his sight, anything, but he couldn’t. All he could was a broken scream along with the unstoppable tears threatening to flood his room. 

“Those don’t work, angel.” Chanyeol smiled, just for a split of a second before hiding the twitch of his lips again. “Please, just let me explain -” Chanyeol tried to calm Baekhyun down; holding him with his inhuman cold hands as he tried to make him understand that he wouldn’t hurt him. It was all useless; Baekhyun would not stop trying to scream and hit him with his now bare hands and feet.

"Do it." Baekhyun spitted out, teeth pushing together as his face turned red from the rage his whole body was experiencing."Do it! Kill me. Kill me like you planned all along!”

"No, Angel-"

"Kill me!" The scream was louder than the sounds of skin crashing together, produced by Chanyeol's big hands trying to grab Baekhyun's wrists to stop the increasing hits that he was making on him. "I SAID KILL ME, END ME RIGHT NOW! ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? "

"Shut up." Chanyeol whispered, holding Baekhyun’s wrists as tightly as he could, leaving him no other choice than to contort his arms bizarrely, threatening to break his own bones just to get the devil’s poisonous touch off him.

"NO, SLAUGHTER ME LIKE YOU PLANNED ALL ALONG YOU ABO-" 

Baekhyun suddenly stopped twisting back and forth, taken aback from the sting that spread all across the left side of his face. He swallowed and stopped moving, fear ultimately overtaking his rage, leaving him defenceless.

Chanyeol seemed to realise the mistake he made by losing his temper, and his raged expression turned into a sweet one, similar to the one he used the whole time. He moved closer to Baekhyun and took his wrecked face within his palms, smiling lovingly like he hadn’t slapped him just a moment ago.

“Angel, listen to me. I’ve always wanted to tell you this, hmm? I just was afraid of how you would react.” His thumbs gently brushed away the tears of Baekhyun’s rosy cheeks before his right hand moved to make him drop the cross and link their fingers together. “Don’t you love me, angel? Isn’t our love so strong that it can overcome our boundaries?”

Baekhyun sobbed once again, opening his mouth to utter denial, to say he couldn’t fall in love with a demon, that he wasn’t destined to give his everything to Evil itself. But it would be a lie. A very big lie. Because his heart ached painfully for Chanyeol, for the pain that was suffocating his life. Baekhyun loved every bit of it. 

“I- I can’t- “

“Of course you can love.” Chanyeol rested his forehead against Baekhyun, pale silver eyes piercing through his soul. “I told you. Not witnesses, you just have to do this by yourself. It’s your challenge. Don’t you want to get rid of those who have hurt you all of these years?”

“It's not right. I can’t murder my family Chanyeol. God- My Lord wouldn’t forgive my soul. There’s no way I could live with that.”

“Killing must feel good to God, too... He does it all the time, and are we not created in His image?” Chanyeol smiled reassuringly, kissing Baekhyun’s lips for a moment. “Trust me; it hurts me more than it’s hurting you.”

Baekhyun nodded, smiling weakly, heart growing bigger and more fond of the darkness that touched him and slid through his veins, the bitter love and lust that converted his soul completely. “I’m sorry Chanyeol, I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s okay angel, you just have to do one thing, and we will be free. Free of everything, free to love each other.” Chanyeol licked his red lips and let the words slide off seductively, vanishing the last trace of light inside his lover. “Kill them. Kill them all.”

And, for the first time, Baekhyun could fully taste what euphoria was like. It was a sudden and warm rush, increasingly getting better. Getting higher and higher until he needed to drop and go down for an eternity, go down without knowing how he would land; if he would be alive by the end of it. Yet the fall was the best part of them all, the pleasure of having released all the things he contained in his dark room inside his head and let it all explode.

When he hit the ground and came back to his senses, he found himself sitting in his backyard, like every night for his praying session. 

The difference was that the house wasn’t dead; on the contrary, it looked beautifully vital in its last moments of existence.

What he could see in the moment were the ashes dancing in the breeze, retreating at the top of the sunset, mixing and submerging in the warm shades of roses, oranges and yellows, fading the terrifying screams that broke into pieces.

The heat hit his face, but he couldn't help but stare at his home through the flames, collapsing on the mossy stone floor. He couldn't tell which was his room anymore - here he spent so many nights fooling around with Chanyeol, where he found happiness for the first time, where he made what was wrong into something blessed. Nor did he distinguish the white stairs from the entrance, which he hated to touch because it would mean to go back to his personal hell.

Everything was going, his life, his fear and innocence. 

He watched as his father staggered down the path of withered flowers, blood running down his mouth, probably from the raw wound that ran down his entire stomach. His weathered, bloodstained hand reached out in Baekhyun’s direction before he fell into the cold emptiness of unconsciousness. Baekhyun didn't move; quiet, eyes blurred with tears and the yellowish liquid running between his legs in horror as he let the last member of his family be crushed by the rubble.

He looked down at his hands, covered in the sticky and warm liquid that belonged to someone that wasn’t him. Maybe it was his mother’s blood; perhaps it was his father’s, or even his sister’s. 

_“My Angel.”_

Baekhyun should have been happy; he should have been filling the thrill and joy he felt when he did it. Yet he only felt sick. The sickest he ever felt before.

“Sweetheart.” Chanyeol crouched down to Baekhyun’s level, looking refreshed with the cruel wind hitting his hair and softly playing with it like it was the warm breeze of the beach. He used one of his fingers to lift Baekhyun’s head, enjoying the view of the wrecked and traumatised face of the one he chose. “You did perfectly.” 

“R-Really?” Baekhyun sobbed, feeling finally at peace. Chanyeol was proud of him. His love was content with what he did.

“Really.” Chanyeol tilted his head to the side and sighed. “Why don’t you close your eyes, my love? When you open them again, we will be far away from here. Just us together, to live a happy eternity.”

Baekhyun obeyed, closing his eyelids and feeling how Chanyeol’s breath fanned against his lips, marking the promise with the seal of their lips. 

Five seconds passed. 

No kiss, at least not on the lips. Baekhyun could tell Chanyeol’s lips had deposited themselves on his forehead instead, and the warmth didn’t leave like he was pressing them and did not want to separate them.

“A-Are we away?” He asked, opening his eyes and laughing with joy, happily acknowledging his destiny with Chanyeol. “Ch-Chanyeol? Why are we still here?”

He looked around, meeting the same scene he had been 10 seconds ago. The only difference was, Chanyeol was not there anymore.

“Chanyeol? Chanyeol, wh-where are you?” He stood up, failing to continue walking for long, due to his legs being unable to hold his weight anymore. 

Byun Baekhyun was now in front of his personal hell. The only place he had, filled with demons inside. 

And he was watching it vanish away, all alone. 

The mark of Chanyeol's kiss burned on his forehead even much stronger than the burns his body had received from trying to leave the house. And with it, he swore.

He looked up at the cluster of stars, at the giant moon. He looked up at God, the one who had determined the miserable life he lived and its miserable end. And he swore, he would never forget what Chanyeol had done to him. He would dictate his sentence as many times as necessary; he would tattoo the memory of Chanyeol’s kiss on his forehead to remember forever what they had done to him.

And that day, a creature worse than evil was born. A creature that he would never forget and that would always live for one purpose.

_Revenge._


End file.
